Maria A. – Stockholm, Sweden
Maria (in pink scarf) and Betsy.
It was June 9, 2022. Summer had finally arrived and my partner, Betsy, was in Stockholm while I was at our country house. I immediately sensed something was wrong when she phoned me, and actually what I heard during that call was her death.
Betsy was struggling to breathe—gasping, rattling, unable to respond. Someone in the background shouted, “You have to call the police!” Then the call cut off.
I repeatedly tried calling her, never reaching her, and then began contacting hospitals. One told me Betsy wasn’t there, another redirected me to an automated system, and then I was eventually told to “call back in half an hour.”
That’s when I saw a police notice: a cyclist had collided with a truck in Stockholm. Betsy was an experienced cyclist and even worked as a messenger for a while. I knew she was on her bike that day. I tried calling emergency services, they told me I couldn’t contact them that way and they would instead call me back. When they did, they confirmed Betsy was involved in the accident.
My life changed instantly. I had to go home to tell our five children, all under the age of 10. It was shattering.
The next day, I called the hospital 21 times. It took four days before someone confirmed Betsy’s death. They claimed they “forgot” to call me when she was declared dead and that meant I didn't get to see her at the hospital until after she was sent away for an autopsy. So, I saw her a week later, all cut up. Horrible. Absolute horror.
Then, it was the trial in 2023, and I had to relive it all. The driver of the truck was charged with manslaughter. My lawyer said no one ever admits to these kinds of things. This driver said what happened was Betsy probably was riding her bicycle fast and rode it in under his truck. Seriously? Is that even possible?
To sit and listen to everything during that trial, plus, the surveillance footage police later collected, oh my God. It was a "slow" accident. The truck driver first hit her bike but didn't notice, probably because his radio was on too high. Witnesses described a loud bang, and that collision caused her to fall to the ground. Another witness described how she then tumbled, probably to try to get away from his truck, but since he took the turn too sharply, he drove right over her stomach with the rear wheels. (I so wish she had been hit in the head because, unfortunately, she was fully conscious and called me.)
The driver, who stated that he had not noticed anything about the accident, was convicted of causing her death. The District Court found that the truck's near-zone mirror and front mirror were misaligned and that the right turn signal was broken.
But the penalty?
Probation and 4000 kroner (about $400 dollars) in fines. The driver did not lose his license. That's what you get for killing a person here. My God! Give me strength to survive this.
It just feels so humiliating. Like that's what her life was worth? 4000 kroner?!
She was a person. My person. She lit up rooms she was in and make other people grow and feel accomplished. She was a wonderful musician. She was just 46. A mother with five children. A whole human being! And this is what it comes down to?
I was able to select her gravesite, but the only time her mom visited the grave, she ripped out all the beautiful flowers I had planted. She took a photo of it and sent it to me along with a message saying that she cleared the plot from all my weeds. It still makes me furious.
All these years later, I’m doing my best to cope. It’s been like climbing Mount Everest. I started a new job and it’s right down the street from where she was killed. I now have to pass by twice a day. When does it end?
Betsy and I were only one month apart in age. Am I supposed to get old, tired, and she will forever be young? My hair is gray now. I hate it.