Bobby M. - Georgia

Bobby and Terry

Terry and I shared 30 years—my entire adult life—during a time when our love had to be hidden. We built a rich life, but we kept parts of it in the shadows—from coworkers, from many friends. When he died suddenly in a motorcycle accident, those separate worlds collapsed into one.

I didn’t attend his funeral. As my mother said, he allowed that silence in life, and he would in death—but I didn’t have to. Instead, I threw the celebration of life he wanted, full of his favorite things, full of love. His parents came, witnessing the beautiful, diverse community that surrounded us.

Queer loss carries unique burdens. When his life insurance was questioned—because Georgia didn’t recognize us fully—I fought for what any spouse should have. After his death, his parents finally acknowledged our love. Through Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow, I’ve helped other LGBTQ widows find that same healing.

Today, I carry Terry’s lessons of love and resilience. I’ve built a new chapter with Tim, surrounded by family and looking forward to retirement. I host calls with widowed people, where we lift each other up.

My journey isn’t over. But I know now that every hardship became a foundation. I’ve turned silence into celebration, isolation into community, and I face the future with hope, grounded in love.

Do you also have a story to share about how you found LGBTQ+ grief to be different? Fill out the form on the home page.